I came out of my room in my grandparent’s house in Mexico. I saw my older cousin’s daughter. She is one of my very best friends. "Hi, Mariana!" I said.

"Hi, Mari!" She replied.

"How’ve you been?"

"Very good, and you?"

"Good. I’m so happy to see you! What you wanna do?"

"Uh . . . I do not know. Oh! I know do you know how to play . . . oh how do you say et en inglish . . . et’s like when you go and you . . . eh . . . et would be so much easier to esplain ef you understood espanish."

"Oh . . . I’m sorry," I said apologetically.

I was at my Grandmother’s birthday party. There were so many people that I didn’t recognize there, but I knew that they were all my family. "Mary," my mother said, "these are some of your cousins. Adrean, Pedro Luis, Rodrigo, Alex, Marimar, David, and Carolina."

"Hi," I said sheepishly.

"Hola, Mari. Mucho gusto". They answered politely.

I just smiled and shook their hand. They proceeded to leave and talk amongst themselves in Spanish.

Mariana and I were playing in the back room. My sister Tanya watched TV with Mariana’s mother and our cousin Veronica who had gotten off work that day. She works for an international company so her English is very good. "Hey, you guys want to go out for dinner tonight?" she asked.

"Sure, Vero that would be fun! Come on Mary!" Tanya said.

"Umm . . . " I needed to make up and excuse not to go out. I hated going into a public place in Mexico. It made me feel so stupid. "Mariana and I were kinda playing a game right now. We were making up a skit and making play-dough puppets. Maybe another time."

"Oh my gosh, Mary. Get over it. We’ll translate the menu for you." Tanya knew why I didn’t like to go out but she never really grasped the feeling of embarrassment I had.

"Shut-up, Tanya!" I snapped. Right after I said that I knew that on top of being embarrassed whenever we went out tonight I had just embarrassed myself in front of my family.

My grandfather died. I never really had a good conversation with him. Just little things here, and there. Nothing special. We just kind of smiled at each other as if we understood what the other was trying to say.

Over a week later I was talking to my mother. I didn’t tell her that I hadn’t cried about Abuelito’s death before then. And even now it wasn’t even about his death. I was crying because I was mad at myself.

"I didn’t get to say good-bye either," my mother said, obviously oblivious to what I was trying to tell her because that wasn’t what I was talking about at all.

"Yeah but I don’t . . . didn’t . . . even know him. What was he like? Why was he always so sick? What work did he used to do?" I said quickly.

"Not now sweetheart don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault you couldn’t speak Spanish."

"I’m not goin’ to let that happen with Abuelita. Not to her or any other of my family."

"Not goin’ to let what happen?" she said looking puzzled now.

"Let them die without me knowing them. Madre, I want to learn Spanish."

"Are you sure?" she said with a surprised look on her face, "It’s hard to learn a second language so young. You have to be completely committed."

"I am." I said confidentially.

"Entonces, ahorra voy a hablar espanol contigo todo el tiempo." She said with a smile on her face.

I hadn’t seen my cousin Eduardo in a very long time. He was always very sweet to me even though he didn’t know much English. He used to baby-sit Mariana and me and we would have fun with him. Last time I saw him he was a struggling musician just getting by in life. From what I heard he was still the same but he had a girlfriend and a three-year old named Bruno now. This was the first time I was ever going to meet them.

They came into the door of my grandmother’s house. He really hadn’t changed. He still had that "rock star" feel to him with his dread locks and over grown beard, torn jeans and earrings.

"Hola, Abuelita." he said. "Hola, Mari ¿como estas?"

"Muy bien ¿y tú?" I replied.

"Tambien bien, gracias. Esto es mi hijo Bruno."

"¡Hola, Bruno!" I said to my little cousin, "Soy tú prima, Mari."

Eduardo looked surprised when I started talking to his son, introducing myself to him etc. A good surprise it seemed. It looked sort of like a relief to him that he wouldn’t have to deal with a language barrier. It was as if he was not expecting that at all. That made me laugh a little bit. His girlfriend Carina complimented on my accent and I thanked her. I complimented on her outfit and said how adorable my little cousin Bruno was. She thanked me and said how proud they both were of him.

I started to baby-sit Bruno while his parents caught up with my own. He started telling me that we were going to play he had super powers and that I was the bad guy holding a doll hostage. He got a little frustrated when I didn’t tie up my prisoner correctly and at once told me how to properly hold a "person" captive. We had a good time.